Hi there! Rachel here, and yes, you read the title of this blog correctly. Being selfish can actually make you a more generous person! How can this be, though? Isn’t selfishness the opposite of generosity? Well, yes and no. Most of us are used to using “selfish” in the spirit of dictionary.com’s definition:
devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself: selfish motives.
After reading that, “selfish” certainly does sound like a less-than-desirable trait. However, I’m here to argue that a little bit of selfishness can go a long way, and can in fact allow you to be a more generous person in the long run. The key is to practice selfishness in the form of self-care.
What is Self-care?
According to Merriam-Webster, “self-care” is:
care for oneself - stroke victims capable of daily self-care, the necessity of busy working parents to take time for self-care;
specifically: health care provided by oneself often without the consultation of a medical professional
Thought Catalog defines “self-care” as, “Making the choice to build a life you don’t need to regularly escape from.”
I define self-care as, “Treat yo’ self!” Okay, maybe I didn’t come up with that one, but you get the point. For me, “self-care” means be good to yourself, because you earned it! Whether it’s getting up at 5:00 am so you can get that morning run in before getting the kids ready and off to school five days a week, or balancing a full-time job with planning a wedding while taking care of aging parents, or even simply fighting the Monday morning urge to quit your miserable job and start a rock band, you sacrifice a lot of time and energy for the benefit of others. So why not reward yourself with a sweet treat, a spa day, or a getaway in Fiji?
Is Self-care Selfish?
“But Rachel, people need me! How can I possibly take time off and put my own selfish needs before the needs of others?” Well, when was the last time you were able to drive your car on an empty tank? EXACTLY. Just like cars need fuel to run, we need to replenish our body, mind and spirit in order to continuing giving to others as much as we do on a regular basis. After all, you don’t want to become resentful toward the ones you love, do you? You don’t want stress and burnout to derail your long-term goals, do you? So treat yo’ self! Take a mental health day from work. Give your kids a day off from school and create some family memories at the park. Spend a guilt-free and uninterrupted weekend writing that Friday the 13th fan fiction you’ve been dreaming of for so long. Because, as they say in the shampoo commercials, “You’re worth it!”
The Moral of the Story: Be Selfish!
“It’s ok, Rachel said I could be selfish because it means I’m being generous!” Pleeeease don’t tell your friends that; I’m very sensitive to hate mail. But do keep in mind that you deserve attention and care just as much as everyone else in your life does, and who better to know what you need to rest and recoup than you? So take those fifteen minutes when you get home from work to decompress with Candy Crush, and ask for extra help around the house because you need it and you appreciate it. When you respect yourself enough to address your needs, you command respect from those around you, and you create space in your life for gratitude.